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From shamrocks to rainbows to horseshoes, St. Patrick’s Day is steeped in symbols of luck. 

The idea of shamrocks as lucky charms hearkens to the Celts of ancient Ireland, when Druid priests would carry the three-leafed clovers in the hopes of warding off evil spirits. 

In Celtic traditions as well, rainbows were considered fortuitous, representing a path toward a brighter future. 

As for horseshoes, while origin stories vary, some sources say that the Irish began nailing them over doors in Medieval times. Villagers would hang the symbols in a U shape to catch good luck as it entered their homes. 

Yet while it’s certainly harmless to wear a horseshoe necklace or search for a rainbow after a storm, what if, instead of relying on luck, you actively cultivated your own good fortune? 

This St. Patrick’s Day, let’s explore how positive psychology, the science of happiness and well-being, can help us create a life filled with fortunate experiences.

Embrace optimism. 

Are you a glass half-full or a glass half-empty kind of person? When you approach each day with a sense of possibility, you increase your chances of uncovering hidden opportunities.

In his 2020 book “The Serendipity Mindset: The Art and Science of Creating Good Luck,” Christian Busch explains that serendipity – traditionally defined as a happy discovery made by accident – isn’t as random as you might think. Instead, serendipity happens whenever you see links that others don’t and you connect these links in strategic ways, turning unexpected experiences into opportunities. 

Practice gratitude.

Taking time to appreciate the good things in your life, big or small, has a powerful impact on your overall well-being. 

Studies show that gratitude enhances optimism and resilience and even strengthens relationships. Start a gratitude journal, express appreciation to loved ones or simply take a moment each day to savor the good in your life. 

Focus on your strengths.

When my wife was in middle school, she followed her older sister to an athletics camp. Unlike her more active sibling, my wife struggled to master skills like archery, which required a level of eye-hand coordination she didn’t possess. She felt clumsy, bored and out of place. 

The next year, she switched to a musical theatre camp and found her niche. That summer and the seven subsequent summers she spent in a hot outdoor theatre in southern Indiana boosted her confidence during her formative years. Those on-stage experiences also helped to lay the foundation for a successful career in marketing and communications. 

Trial and error is one way to discover your strengths. Another way is to take a comprehensive assessment like CliftonStrengths. Learning what you naturally excel at and capitalizing on these traits helps you create your own luck. 

Build strong connections.

Humans are social creatures, and strong social connections are crucial for happiness and well-being. Invest time in nurturing your relationships with loved ones, colleagues and your community. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals who uplift you, just as you inspire them. Along with giving more meaning and purpose to your life, these friendships can help you cultivate more good luck. 

“Get involved. Don’t be a sideliner, watching events flow past. Plunge into the events yourself,” writes author Max Gunther. “If you aren’t in the network, nobody is ever going to steer anything your way.”

These connections are critical in various aspects of life, whether you’re looking for your next job opportunity, financing for a business venture or a new romantic partner. 

Remember, luck is an active, not a passive force, a result of optimism, gratitude, strengths-finding and relationships. 

By incorporating these principles into your daily life, you can actively cultivate a sense of fortune, creating a brighter, more fulfilling future – shamrocks or not. 

Many years ago when my wife and I were first married, we read a book called “Ways to Say I Love You to Those You Love the Most.” Written in the early internet days of 1994, and updated in 2006, the book contained simple suggestions for creating closeness in all kinds of relationships, whether with a romantic partner, friends or family.

This winter, consider creative ways to celebrate the season of love with the people you cherish. Here are some ideas:

Go for a drive: Pick a nearby town and find one thing you’d like to explore there – a cafe, museum or boutique store. Use that as a jumping-off point for a days’ worth of adventures.

Take a hike: If you don’t mind the cold, winter is a peaceful time to explore a park or nature preserve. Revisit the trail every few months to observe the change of seasons.

Make a high-tech mix tape: Assemble a playlist for whatever music streaming service you both prefer. Consider a theme, such as songs from the year you met, a favorite musician or musical theatre productions you’ve seen together.

Create a vacation memory box: Whether it was spring break in Clearwater or a road trip to Grandma’s in Sheboygan, we’ve all deepened relationships on our journeys. Fill a box with mementoes for one of your traveling companions, adding in photos, postcards and replica souvenirs.

Give flowers: They’re not just for romance! Fresh-cut bouquets and potted plants show your fondness for friends and family as well.

Do a jigsaw puzzle together: Remember 2020? We may not be in lockdown anymore, but it’s winter, and a great time to get cozy around a shared indoor activity.

In 1843, Charles Dickens penned “A Christmas Carol,” a cautionary tale about the perils of unchecked greed and the transformative power of compassion. In his novella, Dickens captured the essence of a season that would forever straddle the line between light and darkness, between joy and angst. 

Fast forward to the 21st century, and the holidays remain a potent cocktail of emotions, a pressure cooker where expectations bubble over and family dynamics simmer just below the surface.

Why it happens  

When reconnecting with loved ones, it’s easy to fall into familiar patterns that can lead to the same disagreements you’ve encountered in the past. In fact, some conflicts may be so ingrained in your family that they seem as much a part of the holidays as your Aunt Mary’s fruitcake or the cousins’ gift exchange. 

But while you can’t change other people’s behaviors, you can change your own. And it starts with anticipating these rough spots in advance. 

Before each family gathering

• Manage your expectations: Consider what you can realistically hope for during family get-togethers. Focus on personal goals like enjoying positive interactions, rather than aiming for a perfect or drama-free holiday.
• Set boundaries: Identify your personal limits and assert them with family members. This could involve setting time limits for visits, declining to engage in certain conversations, or politely disengaging from heated discussions. It’s OK to prioritize your mental health even when being pressured to conform to other people’s expectations. 
• Plan ahead: Choose only the activities you think you’ll enjoy, and pre-arrange escape routes if needed. Consider setting an end time for visits and letting your family know in advance when you plan to leave. 
• Prepare for emotional challenges: Step up or start your self-care strategies now, such as meditation or deep breathing, so that you’ll feel more grounded during potentially stressful situations. 

During each gathering 

• Focus on communication: Encourage open and honest dialogue, even when navigating disagreements. Model good communication techniques like active listening, “I” statements, and avoiding accusatory language.
• Identify and address triggers: Recognize that certain behaviors, phrases or topics of discussion on the part of family members may lead to conflict because of the emotions they stir up. Think in advance how you might respond differently this time, such as being more calm and assertive. 
• Redirect conversations: If a discussion becomes heated, gently redirect the topic or excuse yourself to take a break. Disengaging is not a sign of weakness.
• Practice empathy: Consider the perspectives and feelings of others, even if you disagree. This can help foster understanding and de-escalate tension.
• Focus on shared interests: Suggest activities that everyone can enjoy, creating positive shared experiences to  strengthen family bonds.

After each gathering 

• Process: Take time to really feel your feelings, whether you’re sad, angry, discouraged or elated. Even positive emotions like relief can feel overwhelming sometimes, and it’s important to talk about and/or write down what you’re feeling. 
• Reflect: Identify what went well during the experience and what you can improve next time. 

Remember, these are just suggestions, and the best approach depends on your individual situation and family dynamics. 

Finally, keep in mind that even in the most loving and functional of families, conflicts can arise that cause distress in daily life. If the stress of family conflict becomes overwhelming, consider seeking support from a licensed therapist. A seasoned professional can help you navigate the holidays and the ensuing months with resilience and self-compassion. Contact us today if you’d like to schedule an appointment.

“Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.”

— Roy T. Bennett

In the hamster wheel of daily life, it’s easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of responsibilities, obligations and worries. We often focus on what we lack, what we need to achieve or what’s going wrong, inadvertently overlooking the abundance that surrounds us. Amidst the chaos, the practice of gratitude emerges as a beacon of light, guiding us towards a more fulfilling and joyful existence.

Gratitude is the simple yet profound act of acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of our lives. It’s about recognizing the good things, big and small, that we often take for granted. It’s about shifting our perspective from what’s lacking to what’s present, from what’s wrong to what’s right.

Benefits of gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful state of mind that can have a significant impact on our mental health. When we give thanks, we acknowledge the good things in our lives, even amidst the challenges. Here are some tangible benefits.

• Increased well-being: Gratitude has been shown to boost happiness levels, improve sleep, reduce stress and enhance overall well-being.
• Enhanced resilience: When we focus on the positive, we are better equipped to cope with challenges and setbacks. As monk-turned-entrepreneur Jay Shetty has said, “Being positive doesn’t mean you don’t ever have negative thoughts. It just means you don’t let those thoughts control your life.” 
• Humility: In their book, “Finding Yourself in Chaos: Self-Discovery for Religious Leaders in a Time of Transition,” James Newby and Mark Minear write, “Gratitude is a practice that is equated with humility, for in expressing gratitude, we recognize that we are not alone in this life, and that we are reliant upon God and others for help and support in our daily living and our quest for meaning.”
• Improved relationships: Being more appreciative and understanding of the people around us strengthens our relationships with them. One recent study showed that gratitude can help improve social intelligence.
• Greater self-acceptance: When we have a mindset of gratefulness, we are more accepting of ourselves for who we are, flaws and all. Researchers Kris Homan and Lisa Hosack refer to this effect as “amplifying the good within.”

Cultivating gratitude

Incorporating thankfulness into our daily lives doesn’t require grand gestures or elaborate rituals. It’s about developing a mindset of appreciation, savoring the moments of joy and recognizing the beauty in the ordinary. Here are some simple ways to cultivate everyday gratitude.

• Keep a gratitude journal: Dedicate a few minutes each day to writing down what you’re thankful for and why. “Go for depth over breadth,” writes Jason Marsh in Greater Good Magazine. “Elaborating in detail about a particular thing for which you’re grateful carries more benefits than a superficial list of many things.”
• Express appreciation to others: Let your loved ones know how much they mean to you. “Gratitude is also one of the greatest gifts we can give others,” notes the Tony Robbins Blog.
• Practice mindful moments: “Mindfulness simply means awareness. You intentionally pay attention to the present moment while putting aside your everyday tendencies,” notes an article on the Kaiser Permanente website. Throughout the day, take a few moments to pause and appreciate what’s happening right then.
• Foster an attitude of abundance: “One of the things that keeps us stuck in a scarcity mentality is that it’s so easy to think about what we don’t have, and so hard to remember all that we do,” writes Ingrid Fetell Lee on the Aesthetics of Joy website. “Focusing on gratitude helps tip the scales back in the other direction, focusing your attention on the abundance that already exists in your life.”
• Embrace imperfection: It’s OK to strive to be your best and to expect good things in life, but it’s also important to accept the inevitable challenges that arise. In her bestselling book, “The Gifts of Imperfection,” Brene Brown writes, “Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”

Even small acts of gratitude can have a big impact on our mental health. By taking the time to appreciate the good things in our lives, we can cultivate greater happiness, resilience and well-being.

Featured image above: Image by pikisuperstar on Freepik

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Spreading the love this month

“No road is long with good company.”

— Turkish Proverb

Our lives have changed dramatically in the last few weeks, and it’s been hard to keep up with the changes. For many of us, it feels like uncharted territory, following a map with few points of reference.

But we don’t have to travel that road alone, at least virtually. Effective immediately, I will be offering online therapy exclusively.

Online therapy is just what it sounds like. If you’ve ever used FaceTime to converse with a friend or family member, it’s very much the same. You simply log onto a HIPAA-compliant portal on a computer, tablet or smart phone, and we talk face to face, just as if you were in my office.

While insurance policies vary, for many of you, I will use the Doxy service to conduct your therapy sessions. At the end of your session, I will send you an invoice via Square, which you can pay using the Square app on your phone. I will also continue to use the same process for billing insurance companies.

While some telemedicine services have apps, Doxy does not. Before each session, I will send you a secure link to my online office, and you can click on the link to get started. It’s that simple. (I recommend that you use a wifi connection if possible for best results.)

Distance therapy is not a new concept; Sigmund Freud reportedly wrote letters to his clients, and online therapy has been around almost as long as the Internet. We are fortunate that during this extraordinary time, we have access to people around the world, and also in our communities.

For the time being, I will not be seeing clients in person in order to reduce the spread of infection. I remain committed to helping you find the solace you are seeking, however.

I look forward to seeing you online.